So... since my last post, I've been much more diligent with checking
my BS more regularly, keeping the levels in control and changing my
infusion sites when I need to. I've also been more attentive to my
moods. How they are, how quickly they change and do my best to figure
out why. My research has so far left me confused, saddened and fearful.
I
was consistently in a good mood for a few days after the incident
because I was so excited with my discovery. As mentioned, I was also
making sure that my sugar remained at a good level, supporting my theory
that high or uncontrolled blood sugars caused my bad moods and/or mood
changes. But then one morning, I snapped. The morning started out with
me feeling just fine and happy, but I quickly lost my temper over
something with my kids (don't remember what it was) and found myself
having a hard time letting go of that anger afterwards. I thought the
'losing my temper' part was normal (I hope), but I can't help wondering
if continuing to feel that anger is normal. So, I tested my sugar
expecting (and hoping) it was high, to explain these emotions. It was
143, which I consider to be fine. But now I wonder, is it? If it's not
significantly high enough to cause these emotions, what's wrong with me?
I
don't recall being this way when I was younger. I would've described
myself as a very optimistic person. Patient and very nice. I truly
believe I was even one of those "too nice" kind of people. And anger was
not big in me. Over the years, I've definitely grown less patient,
which I simply attribute to "life". But I just can't help feeling that
the anger that overcomes me at times isn't "normal". It's so confusing,
frustrating and scary. I don't know if there is anything I can do about
it. I don't know how to find out. Will I get worse? Is this becoming a
part of my everyday personality? If so, can it be reversed? - Yes, this
is a horrible thing we diabetics have to deal with, but the mom in me
can't help first thinking about how this will affect my kids emotional
and psychological development!
In the meantime, I will
of course continue to work hard at maintaining my bg levels in control.
But, this is so scary. Once again, I come back to saying "I wish there
was more info on this". Thank goodness for having means to share and
find information more easily now though. I'd feel completely alone and
even more lost without finding the few blogs, forums and articles out
there referring to this. Here are some:
I identify most with Kelly's post:
http://kellysnaturallysweet.blogspot.com/2011/07/personality.html
Scientific validation:
http://www.marcumandwallace.org/news_show_national.asp?id=29664
Forums with worthy mentions:
http://www.tudiabetes.org/forum/topics/do-your-emotions-fluctuate
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Diabetes_Type_2/forum/6215979-diabetes-and-anger
http://www.tudiabetes.org/forum/topics/diabetes-and-mood-swingsanger
